By Amrin Pisey
If you are reading this, you may wonder who I am and why I am here writing to you. Well, I would say this is the very first public self-introduction that I have ever done in my life. By and large, I don’t open up to people. It is not because I am arrogant, unfriendly or mean, but it is because I am naturally an introvert. However, since it is my very first blog post, it would be better to unfold myself a little bit.
My name is Amrin Pisey and I am 19 years old. More often than not, if there are more than one Pisey in the class, I am called the Little Pisey, as I am physically small and skinny. Throughout my childhood and adulthood, I was born and raised in a rural area in Kompong Cham province. Currently, I am doing two degrees at the Institute of Foreign Languages (IFL).
To be honest, with almost 20 years on this Earth, I still consider myself as a nobody from nowhere, as I have not yet accomplished anything noteworthy in my life. I am not popular in class, at school or on social media. That’s the reason I have few friends and not many people know me.
While I am described as quiet, reserved, mellow, passive and shy, I would describe myself as a scaredy-cat, a kind of easily frightened and timid person. I dare not show up in the crowd, or speak up and show my ideas to people. I am not bold enough to raise my hand to ask questions, bargain things in the market, travel alone, and even to post my own picture publicly on my Facebook account. Sometimes, I wish I could camouflage so that people won’t see me.
However, I dare to dream just like the other people do. But, sadly, I rarely tell people about my real dream and passion and that makes me feel really guilty and uncomfortable.
Back to the first day of university, I nervously walked into the class where I knew no one. The typical thing we do in the first class is introducing ourselves. One of the inescapable questions is,“What do you want to be in the future?” I was amazed that most of my classmates seemed to be so sure about their dreams. It came to my turn and my brain went blank. I did not know how to tell my classmates what I wanted to be. I lied that I wanted to be a teacher. I chose to say so since most of my classmates were there with the purpose of being an English teacher. Yeah, I lied but at least I was done with the self-introduction. That was a terrible joke, wasn’t it?
To all people who I have lied to, I must confess now that my heart and my soul have long been clinging onto writing. My passion in writing started since I was in grade 7 when I began to be a lover of novels. I found the combination of sentiment, enchantment, awe and inspiration in an amazing masterpiece, the first Khmer novel I read. That drove my desire to write for the sake of the society, yet my passion began to be buried away. I found no motivation to move on when I was pressured to choose to study different things at college, where I have been struggling to survive all courses in both majors for two years straight. That was not what I wanted, but I did it for the sake of my family.
Due to the uncertainty and blurred image of myself, I had a hard time figuring out between who I am, who I want to be and who I should be. That’s why I have so few things to fill in my life’s chapter and leave the rest of the page blank waiting for the real moment to come.
Thankfully, there were a few people who walked into my life, and pushed me to do what I love and taught me how to stand up for myself and follow my passion. One among that few beloved people, my friend at my university, introduced me about the Voices of Youth blogging program and encouraged me to apply, despite knowing my fear of stepping out from my comfort zone.
Eventually, here I am now in UNICEF’s Voices of Youth program. I think this is my moment and that my new journey in life is about to begin. It is true that the future cannot be predicted, and I have no idea what my future will be like. In the meantime, I just hope to successfully complete this journey and begin a meaningful chapter of my life.
That’s it for what I want to unfold about myself. Hopefully, I won’t lie about my dream in the next class anymore.
Views expressed here are those of the author’s and do not necessarily represent or reflect the views of UNICEF.