A Look Inside a Sensitive Mind

By: Soksambath Pichny

Optimized-Pichny.png©Soksambath Pichny/2018

“Introduce yourself.”

As I see this one statement, I honestly have no idea where to start. A two-word statement that is seemingly a simple one, when in fact it is not. Should I talk about what my name means? Or how many brothers and sisters I have? What if I talk about my hobbies?

In order for me to sound a little bit “more interesting”, I don’t think answering those questions above would help me to achieve such a status, given the fact that I am already and originally not that interesting. So, as cliché as I might sound, I decided to talk more of a “what I am like” in this introductory blog.

Before going into details, let me just tell you a bit about myself. My name is Soksambath Pichny, and I am 19 years old. I am to be in my junior year of university (honestly speaking, I am petrified since I only have 2 more years to go before becoming an even more responsible adult, which I am clearly not ready for.)

First things first, I am a very sensitive and emotional person (warned you this will be very cliché). Truth be told, growing up sensitive is very challenging for me. I easily notice or respond to small changes. I am mostly empathic, compassionate, and I always put my emotions up on  the frontline, even in times when I should not.

Optimized-Pichny second.png

ⒸAverie Woodard/2017 on Unsplash

I am mentally and emotionally committed even when I do the simplest things, like talking to a friend or reading my textbooks. Because of this, I believe that life is more difficult than it should be. Everything around me, or everything I do, is such a big deal to me. Consequently, I usually encounter this response, “Come on, girl! Brush it off! Why do you even care about those little and irrelevant stuff?” And most of the time, shrugging and trying to find proper responses with very little confidence, I answer, “I just do.”

I also care a lot about my surroundings, specifically what people say. Since everything means a great deal to me, words are more powerful than ever. If they are compliments, I would be happy over it for days, but people don’t get compliments 24/7, do they?

Then, here comes the worst part. If I can’t get over small compliments, imagine how many days, weeks or even months can criticisms or disapproval stay? A very long time, believe me. So, in order to avoid such an unfortunate feeling, I have to be very careful and cautious with how I look, how I act, and especially what I say, so that my actions or words would not come off wrong or offensive.

As a result, I tend to change myself just to “fit in” or “blend in”. And, when I say change, I don’t mean the dramatic makeover to be a cool kid like in those rom-com movies, no. It can be very small changes, like changing my perspective on something or changing my old habits, as long as I can feel accepted, relatable, or a sense of belonging with my surroundings. Honestly speaking, I sometimes would also have to “fake it” so that I would not be left out in the conversation or life in general.

Optimized-Pichny third.pngAshley Whitlatch/2018 on Unsplash

That is why people might see me as “not so real” and that I have too many sides. Sometimes, I usually blame my zodiac sign for this, so I would not feel so horrible about myself (I am a Gemini, and people with the sign are perceived to have a dual personality or being two-faced. No offense, my fellow Geminis!).

The fact that I am sensitive, I also expect a lot back from the people around me. I always believe that everything is a two-way commitment; it is a give-and-take. I usually cling onto the mindset of “treat others like how you want to be treated.” That is when the problems come in too. Because, people don’t always reciprocate my commitment and therefore, my high expectations often lead to disappointments.

However, I believe that there’s also some silver lining, of course. Being sensitive and responsive to small changes, I am able to look into the bigger picture of situations. I draw pictures of how things are supposed to happen so I can be more prepared of what’s lying ahead. My sensitivity also allows me to make better judgments and more informed decisions, as I look for both sides of the story before I decide on anything. Also, since I am emotionally committed and enthusiastic, I easily get drawn or attached to a certain issue or topic that I am passionate about.

So, I guess that is what I am like. That’s also what I am going to keep during, what I hope to be, my eye-opening 12-week VOY journey as well. I will use my sensitivity to look at the issues in a more critical, compassionate and open way.

And if you could relate to this blog, or at least a portion of it, I guess it’s time for us to start giving without expectations, and keep in mind that people are different, so are their perspectives on certain problems.

Optimized-Pichny forth.png Mona Eendra/2017 on Unsplash

Lastly, if you’re seeing this, it means that you have finished reading my first ever blog on my journey, and that I am very grateful. Stay tuned for the upcoming blogs, and have a very nice day!

 

Views expressed here are those of the author’s and do not necessarily represent or reflect the views of UNICEF.

 

 

 

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